"Head of Household"
I have speculated on what caused my immediate family to disintegrate after my Mom passed away without ever having found a satisfactory explanation. Today, I realized what the reason was. Our family patriarch was not doing his job.
When she was alive, my Mother was very much the family matriarch. She ran the family, and kept it together. Towards the end of her life, however, she began reducing her control, and another family member began taking on that role. After her death, however, the new head of the family did not perform his duties, resulting in discord among the family.
Now, you might think that my Father should have taken on the role of family leader when my Mom passed on. Those more astute, however, will realize that by that time, his condition had deteriorated to the point where it would not have been possible.
So, the next obvious choice would be the eldest child, Paul (aka the ElderPutz). But Paul is not a strong person, as one needs to be to lead, and to maintain a cohesive group of diverse siblings. He has always been socially inept, and has a rather weak personality. After 15 years (or more?) of marriage, at age 40, he is still utterly terrified of his father-in-law.
Much to my amusement, Paul was even unable to stay in the room when my Dad, unconscious and sedated, choked on the ventilator tube. He had to sit outside the ICU room for several minutes, and even then, upon returning to the waiting room, was reported to be as white as a ghost. (And yes, I don't like needles at all, but I can put that aside and deal with it when necessary.)
Perhaps the Wife-Creature, Paul's spouse? While certainly strong of personality, in a rather shrewish way, she is not liked enough, nor supportive enough of others to take on the job.
The person that everyone in the family turned to, depended on, and needed was me. When Rita's car broke down in Ogallala, Nebraska, Mom and I worked together to get her -- and her stuff -- home. When Stanley's Camaro caught fire in Sonora, I went to pick him up and help get him back on the road. Even now, Paul desperately tries to impress me and win my approval. When anyone needed money, I was the first one they asked. And when Mom passed away and Dad needed care, I was the one they looked to to handle it.
Rachel has said that the reason the putzes are so pissed at me is that when my Dad needed assistance, I didn't have time for them. I realize now that she's only partly right -- they needed me to hold the family together. When I didn't take on that role, the family fell apart.
So, if I took on the role of family patriarch, could I pull the family back together? Almost certainly. (No, I have no doubts about my abilities in any area whatsoever.) Do I want to take on that role and bring the family together again? Not really. It's not that I don't want to be the head of a family, it's that I don't think I want to be head of that family.