Vote!
It doesn't matter so much what you vote for, (although, if you don't vote the way I do, you're plain wrong,) as long as you get out there and express your opinion.
Some times, I get an idea into my head and forget to take into account the realities of the world in which I exist. This idea for a top-to-bottom-and-back trip across Europe and Africa, for example -- it sounds great in theory, and yes, it would definitely motivate me, but there are obstacles which will prevent it from ever happening.
The first is my Dad. I certainly couldn't go off and leave him for a year or two. I wouldn't be able to handle it, and it wouldn't be fair to him. Of course, the reality is that this represents only a delay, though I would be happy to never go if it meant he lived that long.
Less ephemeral is the issue of Rachel. I don't know how I managed to fool myself into thinking that she would ever want to go, but that doesn't alter the fact that it's not something she would ever consent to do.
For a trip like that, you either need to be very, very rich, or you need to be very, very flexible. Rachel is neither. When I first suggested the idea, her first objection was that she doesn't like flying. I countered with the idea of taking a ship across. (It would be totally cool to take a freighter across with Indy!) For some reason she skipped over her fear of water and the resulting fear of boats and ships.
Her next protest was that she wanted to have kids. I had started out by saying this would be something like 10 years in the future, so I said that was fine -- a 10-year-old would love a trip to Africa, and would probably be about the best educational experience he ever had. Imagine coming back to the US and going on a field trip to the zoo -- the other kids would be seeing an elephant as they always had, behind bars, in an unnatural setting. Our kid would be able to tell about the time we had to wait for hours while a family of elephants blocked the road.
That was the point, however, that I felt it best to drop the idea and revisit it at a later date. When I brought it up in therapy, however, and the Doc mentioned that such a trip required an immense amount of flexibility (why is it that everyone I know seems to have been to Africa except me?), I realized that there was no way Rachel would ever do such a trip.
Hell, Canada was an adventure-of-a-lifetime for her. Doctor B suggested going for something a little less extreme, such as having Rachel teach overseas in an American school, and I could occasionally venture further from the norm, if you will, as time permitted. She would be able to have the comforts -- and culture -- she was used to, and needed, and I would have access to the wilderness -- and cultures -- I long for.
But even this would be too much, I think. I asked Rachel what her long-term, life goals were, and all she could come up with was having kids. She doesn't know what she wants, but she does know what she doesn't want.
That seems to be her motus operandi -- whether its what to do on a Saturday night, what to eat for dinner, or what to do with her life, she's just sort of coasting along. All she has to direct her is her fears.
I can understand that somewhat. I didn't have goals for a long time, even though I understood their importance (thanks Pat!). But allowing your fears to hold you back seems completely incomprehensible to me.
Mind you, there was a time when I was held back by my fears, even as recently as 10 years ago, I had real problems meeting women, in large part because of my fears. At this point, however, I've crossed some juncture and could never let fears control me so completely as Rachel's do her.
Meanwhile, this leaves me with someone who says they want to do whatever will make me happy, but won't even go to the restaurant I selected when she asked where I wanted to go for my birthday dinner -- a year ago.
But, it's not like I didn't know that when I got into this. I guess I chose her over Gypsy cuisine, rock climbing, and even Africa. That's a bit of a compliment, if you ask me. Whether or not I made the right choice remains to be seen, but either way, it's too late to be having second thoughts at this point.
That's easy enough to say, naturally. Living it, is another matter. Last Friday was the birthday party of a woman who has been to Africa, in a Land Rover. As I looked around their house, it was nearly impossible to avoid seeing evidence of their journeys. Even the books on the table and the music on the stereo were African in origin, or at least subject.
As I read to Cassie from a book representing one man's journey to, and around, Central and Southern Africa, it was not easy keeping my eyes dry. This was the record of someone with very nearly the same dream as I have, with the rather notable difference that he lived his, and mine will forever remain just a dream.
Of course, in 10 years time, even I cannot tell who I will be. It may be that I decide that I am no longer interested in such a journey, or I may say to Rachel that she can go with me, or I can go alone. Of course, without the years of planning, such an option would likely be extremely dangerous, but then, going with Rachel even with the planning would be more dangerous than without. And, in 10 years time, the whole of the African continent might just be another Disney theme park, with the only vestiges of indiginous culture available for sale in the gift shops.
For now, then, there is not a lot I can do, save deal with the whole situation as best I can. In other words, just go on, day in, and day out, leading an average, normal, everday life. And who knows, maybe someday Rachel will have a late meeting, and I'll get to eat at that Gypsy restaurant after all.