In America, you have to be rich to be crazy.
Rachel's insurance covers 20 visits per year to a shrink, with a $25 copay each time. Unfortunately, 20 50-minute sessions is barely enough time to get to know someone, let alone help them work out any issues.
So here I am, doing pretty good, after 20 sessions, but still with some unresolved challenges ahead of me. After paying $500 for the last four months, I have no more coverage. So, I have to pay full price -- $125/week -- if I want to continue. That's $500/month. I don't think I can justify that, let alone afford it.
Just when it's all starting to pay off, the insurance cuts off. What's a lunatic to do? In my case, I think it's going to be go it solo. Luckily, I'm not a child molester or a violent postal worker, so all it will mean is that I might not live up to my potential.
On the other hand, having gotten a nudge in the right direction, perhaps I can go it alone, and get myself where I ought to be. I like to think I'm a pretty competent fellow, and more self-aware than the average nutcase. Of course, I don't really think I'm insane -- or at least, not in a negative way. What I do have are some issues that are keeping me from maximizing my skills and talents.
I have yet to talk to Rachel about it -- I think the real world will make the decision for me. I'm not too worried, though. I've got a number of fairly insightful friends that I can talk to for advice (and plenty of other folk who offer it without prompting), as well as a pretty good handle on where I want to be.
A mid-journal revelation: it occurs to me that the "American Dream" isn't what I want, and therefore doesn't motivate me. The thought of having a house and a wife and 2.3 kids just isn't tempting enough to get me to shut down AuctionTamer and stop browsing eBay. Buggering off to Botswana, on the other hand, just might be.
Perhaps the solution, then, is to sit down with Rachel and have a serious discussion about it. If we were to commit to touring Europe and Africa, to actually doing it, we could start making real, actual plans and work towards completing them, and that might just be the straw that breaks eBay's back, if you will.
That's what Leo and Nancy were doing. Their go was to sail around the world together, and pretty much everything they did was geared towards making that trip. Goals only motivate you if they're goals you really want to achieve. The goals that others set for you simply aren't as interesting, and won't get you moving. For me, especially, other people's idea of success is meaningless to me, so I have a problem with traditional American goals.
A goal set of my devising, however, is a horse of a different color. It is something I can get behind, something that will get me out of bed in the morning, and will keep me up late at night. So perhaps I don't need the extra sessions after all -- Perhaps I've got what I need. Now, if I can just get Rachel to buy into it -- after all, these are my goals, not hers.