Someone told me recently that they thought my Mother was the one who held our family together. Perhaps. Perhaps it was the threat of a common enemy, if you will.
On the other hand, perhaps it was that calmer times do not test one's mettle. The death of my Mother, and the subsequent flood of disasters may have been more of a test than my family could withstand.
Barbara was never really interested in anything but herself. She dropped out before the race began. Always pretty clueless, she flunked out of Berkeley's math department, and is now a secretary.
She loves escaping into her fantasy novels, pretending she is a princess in some far off land, where she has the chance of finding a prince. She still putters around in her own little world, the Happy Homemaker of Berkeley.
Stanley of course, dropped out of the picture quickly. After much espousing of his Good Intentions, his true nature shone through, and he took off to boff his girlfriend. (Though, like Clinton, he claims they never had "sex".)
Even after being put through college and being given food and rent money for years, Stanley has no real interest in spending time with his father, or assisting in his care. Stanley is only interested in what Stanley wants, and anything else is insignificant. To this day, the MegaPutz can't hold a job, (or doesn't want to,) and has made nothing of himself.
Paul was next. The trials of travelling 20 miles across a bridge to visit his father was simply too much for the ElderPutz. After about 10 years of being unable to hold onto a job without being fired, and I guess that takes all his energy.
Paul's idea of quality care is to dump Dad in a nursing home and visit him on major holidays (provided he's not expected at the wife-creature's family gathering.) Not, mind you, that he's interested in contributing to the cost of a good home. Besides, his cute little choir group is more important anyway. All that, and his shrewish wife, kept him away.
Last to fade away was Rita. Rita, the youngest, faced the problematic duality of wanting to live her life without the responsibility of caring for a parent while wanting to avoid being a putz like her siblings. The conflict tore her apart -- literally. She suffered a nervous breakdown and decided that she hated me. It became my fault she wasn't caring for her father.
She was able to party with her friends without having to feel any guilt at abandoning her father. No more conflict. No logic, of course, but that had never stopped her before. And what amazing line of reasoning did she come up with to justify her hatred?
Rita decided that all the times I took off work to film her classes, the nights I stayed up late helping her with her newsletters or certification tests, the money, computers, cars I loaned her -- all of this was done, not because I cared about her, but because I wanted her to help care for our Father.
And that, apparently, was too loathsome to bear.
Nonetheless, as my family shriveled in number, so did it blossom. Other, superior, people wove their way into my life. And so I have not lost my family, I have simply exchanged it. Traded up, if you will.
Now, my family is made of quality individuals, capable of withstanding the tests of time. First, and foremost, is my partner, Rachel Grilley.
Rachel has accepted the fact that caring for my Dad takes priority over all else. She helps out, and puts up with his idiosyncracies with only the mildest of protests. Sure, she would like to be able to get out more often, but she understands the situation and makes the best of it.
Meanwhile, she embodies my vehement belief in education as being the number one most important endeavor anyone can pursue. She, while being somewhat traditional, accepts my counter-culture personality. She even likes Land Rovers.
Rachel's brother Craig is one of my oldest and dearest friends. We go back to the days of being underage, even. Craig is, like myself, a techie, though he has not yet immersed himself in technology as much as I have; he still refuses to wear a pager.
John Grilley is the other brother of the Grilley Clan. He keeps me up-to-date on the world of football, politics, and the Philippines.
Gemma Grilley is Rachel's sister-in-law and John's wife. She comes from the Philippines, where caring for -- and even respecting -- one's elders is as natural as breathing. A big difference from our decadent, self-centered society. She treats him like family -- which, of course, he is.
Cassie Grilley is my niece and John and Gemma's daughter. She loves to play with "Pa" whenever she can, and loves to ride in my Land Rover. She's young, but already off to a great start, displaying an intelligence that is downright astounding.
Jim "Scotty" Howat has opened his home to me on a regular basis, offering me a place to sleep when I needed to be in the northeast bay on consecutive days, and inviting me and Dad out to play poker regularly. He also makes sure that my blood pressure stays nice and high by voicing ultra-conservative opinions guaranteed to get my dander up.
Del Severy and his late wife Lois likewise opened their home to me and my family. Del's twice monthly Game Night is an event we have all come to look forward to.
The various folks I've met through my hobbies -- Land Rovers, old computers, etc. -- have also become part of my family. The Roverfolk we get together with at the british car meets, and the Paradise Not-a-rallye, for example, are all very dear to me. People like Granny, TeriAnn, Daniel and Julia, Gerry, and others mean a lot more to me than perhaps they know.
The folks who share my interest in classic computers, too, have become part of my extended family. Sam, with the passion of youth, Stan, who has long been a hero of mine, Doug, who shares my specific interests, but is much better at finding rare examples.
All these people are part of my circle of friends, my family. Genetics is irrelevant, when there are so many other quality people to fill your life with.